I'm getting more and more bored each day. And it's not like I don't have anything to do. I have my baking (occasionally), sewing and chores. If I have the extra time, I'll watch some anime. But I realized I haven't been doing anything else than work. Yes, I like baking and sewing. Anime is my chill time, just something to watch. But I don't do anything for fun anymore. I rarely go out, and even when I do, I don't shop. I just don't like to spend money and don't bother when it's not necessary.
I know it's good to have all this work to do and occupy myself. But man, I feel so worn out. I don't feel joy. I actually feel depression is going to hit me again. I feel like I'm going forward with all this work right, but I'm just going in this straight line and it's never ending and I'm not making a pit stop to do something that I actually enjoy, that is actually fun, that is like a HOBBY..because I don't have one.
That's what I need, a hobby. Something that makes me stop worrying about money for a while and just let loose and have fun!
I feel so dull, you know? I feel sad and lifeless. Sometimes I catch myself pausing for a second and my eyes would start getting watery, and then I'd notice, and I'd just swallow it up and continue with what I'm doing. Can't seem to find anything fun to do, that's my problem. More like, I have no hobbies. This made me think what I did for fun at all five, ten years ago. I was still in school, and I had friends. And my time was most spent with my friends, of course. It could be about all the stupid shit we do, the gossips, the hard core deep conversations, everything. And time was spent, and I enjoyed it. I cherished every moment.
Now? Nothing. I don't feel the drive anymore. I'm doing work because I have to. And I keep doing it because I have to. Don't get me wrong, I like baking and sewing. I do. But since they're businesses, I take them seriously. It's not like a one time thing and it's over. It's continuous and I have to keep improving and I have to make sure the end product reaches my expectation. And sometimes I do get stressed out, it's only natural. So yeah, both are things that I like to do but they are work now.
I'm feeling sad now. I should go. Til next post.