Wednesday, 23 March 2016

Judging Appearance

Does your appearance really matter? Let me rephrase that.. Does your appearance matter the most? This is something that has been lingering in my head but never really talked about. I am one of those people - worried about their appearance and if not always, constantly.

We sometimes don't mean to but our minds unconsciously judge other people's appearance. Especially when you see a (young) couple passing by and you'd instantly judge which person looks better than the other. See, I know this because my mind does that too. But, it's only for a second or two before I realize that how they look together overshadows their appearance. The way they smile to each other or the way they hold hands. But even when your mind does unconsciously judge, you know better that it is unimportant - just a minor thing in that whole thing you're looking at. Social medias, magazines etc. have corrupted our minds or more like we've chose to corrupt our minds by first judging at someone's appearance when looking at their pictures, videos and real life. But it's fine because you unconsciously think about it and give it five to ten seconds, you'll start thinking of other things about that person. It's okay..until you start talking and judging about it to someone.

You'll start criticizing her crooked teeth, his pale skin, the acne on her face, his flimsy body and the list goes on. It's okay until you say these things and tell it to someone. I have no fucking idea what people are thinking when they say these things. Maybe it makes them feel superior? Maybe they think they're that good-looking, that it's okay for them to say these things about less attractive people? Maybe they're insecure? Dude, be it one reason or the other, it doesn't make it okay to say unpleasant things. It doesn't sound nice, you don't even have the right to say such things and it sure as hell doesn't make you look any better.

I feel strongly about this because I've found out that someone said my partner could do better than me. I am well aware that I am not the most attractive person you'll ever meet but I do have some confidence in myself - that I look pretty okay. What hurts me the most was I know this person and I couldn't believe my ears when I heard it. Right after, I felt pretty shit of myself. I know that my partner looks so much better than me but to actually hear somebody say it out loud, it hits you. There's only so much I can do about my appearance, specifically skin-wise. I don't have flawless, glowing skin. I still get pimples here and there despite using skin products to treat them. Maybe it's my food intake - but I don't really eat junks or unhealthy food. Maybe I don't exercise - but I do, as often as I can. Maybe it's genetic - yeah, maybe it is. But other than that, there's nothing much I can do about it.

I'm sorry I don't go to facials, sorry I don't go to a skin specialist and yeah, sorry that it's probably genetic. But going to facials, treatments or doctors? I don't have the luxury to do all those. I know, we have to take care of our skin, take care of this, take care of that. I know that. But there's only so much you can do because it might be something to do internally than the external. It's probably more difficult for people who have serious skin problems - to the point it itches, aches and all over just really bad. I can't imagine less fortunate people having to deal with this problem and having to save up for a skin treatment because it's that bad.

But no, it doesn't make it okay for you to say stuff like "you can do better than her". My self esteem at the time just fell off the cliff and I felt so sad about my own skin and knowing the fact that I can't do anything about it is even more saddening. It bothered me for quite some time. I didn't hate myself but I just felt demotivated to do anything at all and just felt entirely down.

It took me a while but I realized that it doesn't really matter what that person said. Yeah, I would like to have smooth skin in the future but now? Now I'm just going to do the best that I can about it and hopefully when I've saved enough, I'll try to go and see a specialist to identify my skin problem and what not. You might say this would sound a little too drastic but there are people out there who would feel content with an eyesight. Deaf but likes dancing to the music vibration. Loved running until he had to do a leg surgery. Too much? But it's true.

We sometimes forget what's more important than the other. I believe that the end of the day, it's the kind of person you've become is what matters most. Maybe this is just me, but when I see an attractive woman for example, nice curves, perfect height and a pretty face, as soon as she opens her mouth and starts talking, it just sounds like a different person because it doesn't tally with her appearance - my mind is totally blown. She starts talking about a gossip going around town and starts talking shit about whoever she's talking about, that is when I don't find her attractive, at all, anymore. It just washes out everything. Her figure, her height and her face just seem wrong now. Have you ever encountered these kind of people? Because I have, countless.

So really my point is, be grateful, be kind, don't talk shit about people and don't be a full of yourself. Be confident - yes, just not too much. But definitely, definitely not a full of yourself. Some people might think this is full of crap because we're living in a world where we have to look good, display the best version of yourself, bla bla bla. But really guys, don't listen to these people. Let them say whatever because they obviously have the time for all this stuff. It's going to be hard - ignoring people spitting unpleasant words into your ears but if you'll only try to remember and remind yourself that it's fine, that it's not important what that person said. You'll instantly have better standards than that person has because you're being a grown up and cool about it and it's useless to have to talk back to a person with those kind of standards - the kind that brings people down.

Much, much love,

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