Wednesday, 28 February 2018

Second Semester - Life So Far #7

It’s the second semester already and I can’t tell whether I’m still trying or just avoiding. Making friends has never been so difficult, terrifying and tiring at the same time. As every day passes by, it gets more and more difficult. I try to fight it but I just can’t open my mouth and say something. Just something.

I think I’m just scared. I know. Scared of making friends and building relationships with them. What if what happened a few years ago, happens again? What am I going to do? I don’t want to feel miserable again. Depressed. Out of place. Deserted. Being in the situation that I’m in right now is not any better but I know, at least I’m not going to feel hurt again.

Feeling neutral and being plain. That’s me being comfortable now. I’m not ecstatic but I’m just okay. I’m managing.

On the bright side, I’m always trying to make myself believe that I still have that confidence I once had. To be honest, it looks and feels kind of fake. But I need to go through the day. If I can just feel and look confident going to class today, I’ll be fine. But it has been pretty rough since I got back here a couple of weeks ago. My face was acting up drastically and I made some research. It’s not the usual pimples. It’s cystic acne and it’s bad.

I have so much to be grateful for. But it doesn’t make it any easier to go through the day at uni with no friends and having skin issues. I really, really don’t like feeling sorry for myself. I hate it. All of these things going on, I’m tired of it. I really miss the old me. I need her back. I just need her, to come back.


Friday, 27 October 2017

Little Joys

I was going about my day like any other day. I left my room this morning after a quick workout to get some early lunch. And then there was a cleaning lady ahead where I was walking towards to.

"Good morning!", I said to the lady.
"Good morning!", she replied.

I instantly felt happy. Just like that, my day was made. I don't know why. But I think it's the fact that I'm glad or happy to know that other people (in this case, cleaning ladies) are happy. Maybe they like their job but maybe some of them don't. But it makes them happy that students even greet them good morning. Now, I'm not saying I'm good or an angel etc. But if I were that cleaning lady, just one person greeting me would make me so happy. The fact that they recognized or noticed I was sweeping the dry leaves away for instant, made me feel like I'm appreciated. They're just these little simple things but even then, you don't see people greeting them when people pass by them.

I know everybody has their own shit going on but hey, it doesn't hurt to greet good morning to another person.

This thing I'm talking about might seem silly to you but it matters to me. I think everybody deserves to be greeted, appreciated, acknowledged and all that. It's important to remind people that we care, appreciate and let them know that WE KNOW THEY'RE THERE.

Just something to think about yknow.


Sunday, 22 October 2017

Mid Terms - Life So Far #6

Yeah, you heard that right. I sat for one paper last week and another earlier today. Last week's was decent. But today..ahh. I think I might've screwed it up.

Really didn't expect the paper to turn out like how it did. Basically changed the impression I had for this particular course. Like dude, I really have to work my ass off for this one. I think I was only able to answer half of the questions confidently.

I don't want to stress myself out about this, not too much - I know I can't. But I just need to work a bit harder for upcoming exams.

This is my chance to get a bachelor's. Four years was such a long wait (not that I regret it because hell I've learned so much about life and myself). I want to be able to finish my studies on time and know in the end that I have tried my best and that's all that matters.

It really helps that I have such supportive people around me, 'Alhamdulillah'.